Tomorrow is the Super Bowl

I may be a little late to the game in writing about this Super Bowl that is happening tomorrow, but no matter. All of the angles have been talked up to death this week, so I am left with the barest of table scraps. The gauntlet has been thrown, sports media, and I shall conquer this challenge!

Why the Colts Will Win:
Most teams only have one offensive coordinator, but the Colts have two--in their actual offensive coordinator (some old guy) and Peyton Manning, who audibles every play at the line. This is double the offensive capability and is sure to give the Colts an advantage. Two sets of eyes are better than one, right? Even if one of those sets can't think clearly after being driven into the ground on several occasion. The Colts should also benefit from what is known as the "Colts Rule," which means that the referees cannot not call defensive pass interference whenever a Colts receiver fails to catch a deep pass.

On defense, the Colts run what is known as the "Tampa 2," which means they have one lineman and one safety. While that may sound a little unorthodox, since I believe you are allowed 11 players on the field at one time, the two Colts defenders are the two most amazing individuals on the planet: Dwight Freeney and Bob Sanders. Freeney makes opposing linemen dizzy just by looking at them, and when he decides he actually needs to bust out his famous spin move, it's pretty much over. Anyone looking directly at him during this movie will get a seizure and collapse. In the secondary, Bob Sanders is 4'9", but weighs 300 pounds and runs a 4.3 40 (and that was when he was injured). He has the ability to be everywhere on the field at once, thanks to his teleportation ability (like Nightcrawler from the X-Men, except without the blue skin and religious tattoos). The only reason Sanders doesn't sack the quarterback on every play is that he likes to challenge himself. He'll give up a deep completion only to chase down the receiver at the one-yard line, strip the ball, and then return it 99 yards for a touchdown (or zero if he decides just to teleport into the other end zone).

Part II of this amazing Super Bowl preview featuring the Bears will be coming up later today.