One more Barbaro comment...

...before this becomes a full-blown Barbaro blog.

Apparently you can't just extract horse seed and breed a bunch of super-fast (and hopefully stronger ankled) Barbaro Jr's because they would be barred from racing. Clearly then, Barbaro's owners were trying to keep him alive to profit from the stud fees he would most like get. I therefore salute you, former owners of Barbaro - you are what capitalism is all about.


This will be the final horse-related post for the next 5 months, unless zombie Barbaro rises from his grave at Churchill Downs on Easter.

Enemies of Me, BE WARNED

Not one day ago did I wish for the death of Barbaro on this very site and lo-and-behold, he has been euthanized. Let this be a lesson to all of you would dare cross my path: I will proclaim your immediate demise on this site and you will be euthanized within a day (if you were a horse with a broken ankle who had several rounds of major surgery and failed to recover).

Also, I would like to note the complete idiocy of making this news the front page story on msnbc.com, instead the suicide bombing in Israel or the latest news from Iraq. To me that says that the editors at MSNBC think that Barbaro's death is more important than these other stories or that the American people think it's more important. Other than the horse's owner crying for a couple of days before buying a new horse for $3 million , Barbaro's passing will have NO EFFECT on any of our lives ever. Let's try to put things in perspective.

Just die already, you stupid horse

Apparently, Barbaro is still having medical problems. What I don't think his owners realize is that no amount of medical care will save him from death. That is because Barbaro invoked a gambling karma backlash against himself by getting injured in the Preakness. The collective anger of millions of people who bet on him and lost is causing his blood to circulate poorly. There is nothing more veterinary science can do, save pump him for his seed and then "put him down" (aka letting him try to walk normally). Maybe one day Barbaro Jr. will be able to succeed where his father so triumphantly failed, if he isn't killed immediately in a mafia-style payback hit commissioned by horse racing gamblers. Just make sure you don't buy any Barbaro brand glue. It will work for 2 minutes and 10 seconds before breaking its glue polymers in three places.

Welcome to the Greatest Blog Ever Created by Me

I have put up my shingle on the Internet in the hopes that some youngster will discover this site 100 years from now and recognize how great a writer and human being I was/am.

This blog contains every column I have penned for the Daily Sun and Nota Bene, conveniently located now in a single source (since the Daily Sun is doing its best to make sure no one can find anything on its site). You will also find some of my objective journalistic works that were of suitable quality for republishing.

I will post my new Nota Bene columns here as they are transferred from my brain to a more tangible medium. I will also post various thoughts on various issues (mainly sports) as I think of them.

Hall of the Marginally Great

Recently some players were elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame and some weren't, touching off another round of sports columns lauding the inductees and arguing about whether So-and-so should get in spite of the suspicion that he chewed Bubbilicious for most of his career instead of Big League Chew. There are several events like this each year, when every columnist in America feels the need to weigh in on why Tony Gwynn was such a great player or why Jim Rice shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame or why Peter King is a jackass. The same thing happens right before they announce the league MVP or the All-Star game rosters or which reporter gets to follow Barry Bonds around for a year. As much as I enjoy reading these nuggets of wisdom (and I really really do), maybe we need to draw straws so only one person gets to write this homerun of a column. A better idea would be to stop inducting people into the Hall of Fame altogether.

Back when it was first created, there were only five people in the Hall of Fame and they were pretty famous. After a couple of years, the number rose to 10, then to 34, and then it took awhile but it eventually stopped at 117 (then secretly added another 163 people last month). The point is, no one remembers who the original five were and their plaques are buried in the Cooperstown basement next to the exhibit from A League of Their Own. I believe this is what they call "dilution" in finance and it's destroying the Hall of Fame from the ground up (or whatever floor they put the members on).

People who love the Hall of Fame and arguing about it would argue that people visit Cooperstown want to see all the greatest players and learn about the game. If we stopped inducting people, then the record of baseball is incomplete, they would argue. This is all well and good assuming that the Hall is built to withstand a nuclear blast and that people thousands of years in the future are going to wonder why Bert Blyleven doesn't have a shiny plaque next to Bruce Sutter. I would argue, based on my one trip to the Hall of Fame 15 years ago, that the exhibits, not the plaque room, are the most interesting part of Cooperstown. Sure it's fun to look at Babe Ruth in all his glory, but who cares about Cal Ripkin? We watched him play on television for years and I'm pretty sure Babe Ruth couldn't even have been photographed without the camera exploding, so we need that plaque up there or 10 years from now, everyone will think John Goodman is actually the Babe.

Since that proposal will never pass muster with the baseball writers who have a vote and those who don't but like writing columns that start "If I had a vote for the HoF, here's who I'd vote for," I propose a more limited selection process. Just like the World Cup and Olympics aren't held every year, the Hall of Fame elections (not just for baseball, but for every sport) should be limited to once every 10 years. Also, there should be a cap of 10 selections for every year, and once you fail to make it during one term, you're done. This would make the selection announcement into a huge media event, sparking weeks of promotion and columns from every writer in the country (on second thought, scratch that).

Also, isn't there something wrong with the writers voting for the inductees? Reporters and columnists aren't exactly objective people and they hold grudges and have big egos and hate athletes who don't give them good access and still use typewriters. Are we supposed to believe that these people are the best judges of baseball ability? If you have a Hall of Fame vote, that's one column in the bag each year. The Veterans Committee is no better since they'll either vote for their teammates or not vote for anyone at all. Instead of human voting, a formula should developed that would decide things on a purely objective level. It should be constructed so the resulting selections would reflect the top 5% of players who have played at least 15 years. Any use of numbers besides batting average, home runs, and RBIs may frighten some baseball people, but this is exactly why they shouldn't be allowed to vote.

That's three proposals on how to make the Hall of Fame better, more than any other column will give you today, especially since the voting was announced two weeks ago. With quality individuals like Robb Nen and Matt Williams coming up for induction soon, I have a feeling we might just see our first unanimous selection ever. Of course, since Pete Rose isn't in the Hall of Fame, the whole thing is a complete farce! That guy is a true legend.