Never-before Published Column

Note: I wrote this column about the NFL Draft and then scrapped it in favor of an article I had written in my Writing for Magazines class about Cornell intramurals.

With the NFL Draft this weekend, we’ll be finally rid of those annoying Tom Brady commercials on ESPN. You know the one, “Tom Brady—didn’t even make the All Big 10 First Team, picked 199^th in the 2000 draft, made the team in camp, won three Super Bowls in four years, hosted an awful episode of SNL last weekend, despised by everyone outside of New England. The draft matters! You’d better watch all 2258 hours of coverage on ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNEWS, ESPNU, and check out past year’s drafts on ESPN Classic!”

Thanks for pointing out the obvious, ESPN; that commercial definitely persuaded me to watch all seven rounds of the draft. That way, when the Jets’ sixth-round pick develops into an amazing player in four years, I’ll be able to say, “Hey, I knew taking C.J. Leak was a great move.” I’m surprised that ESPN hasn’t hired a psychic as one of their draft day commentators, so we would immediately be able to find out if Maurice Clarett will be the second coming of Ricky Williams.

The NFL Draft has the distinction of being the second-best draft to watch on television, but this is not that high an honor. First, you’ve got the NBA Draft, which generates so much buzz that we all tune in to watch the draft order a month ahead of time. Plus, it’s much, much shorter. With only two rounds and five minutes to make a pick, the NBA Draft is a sprint compared to the NFL marathon.

The NHL Draft is third on the list. This one is really exciting. Combine foreign players that you’ve never heard of and never seen play with Canadian junior hockey players that you’ve also never heard of and never seen play, and you’ve got all the makings of a ratings hit. (Oh wait, this year’s draft was cancelled a few weeks ago. Never mind). Finally, you’ve got baseball’s draft, which is conducted by general managers over a speakerphone. Plus, it’s a whopping 50 rounds. Yikes.

That brings us back to the NFL. Seven rounds, 15 minutes for each pick, 12 different teams of analysts, and … Mel Kiper, Jr. Yes, it’s going to be an exciting weekend. In the past two years, viewers have been treated to several interesting storylines. Two years ago, the Minnesota Vikings forever cemented themselves in draft day lore when they failed to make their selection in the allotted time. This led to a mad scramble as Carolina and Jacksonville submitted their draft selections in mere seconds, kicking Minnesota down to the ninth pick. Thankfully, this also gave everyone 30 minutes of their life back.

Last year’s draft featured Clarett’s failed legal battle and Eli Manning complaining about going to San Diego. However, with the dust settling on the 2004 NFL season, we can all see that the Chargers’ pick of kicker Nate Kaeding in the third round had much more of an impact on their season than Philip Rivers. What do we have to look forward to this weekend? Umm … the draft’s new location at the Javits Center? When Clarett will be taken? My mouth is watering.

I’m not too concerned what team ends up taking Alex Smith or Aaron Rodgers. In fact, I don’t think I’ll make it to the end of the first round, when the Jets finally get to their first pick. Besides, according to Mel Kiper’s bio, his first-round predictions are sometimes 80 percent accurate. You don’t even need to watch the draft at all with that kind of accuracy. Too bad you’ll have to pay for ESPN Insider to read anything Mel Kiper has written. While we’re on the subject of Mr. Kiper, is there anyone else in the sports world who spends so much time analyzing something that when you think about it is pretty meaningless? I mean, tracking the draft stock of college players is kind of pointless when he could be doing actual analysis during the season. Or, maybe he could be working as an actual scout for an actual NFL team. We don’t have an NBA equivalent of Kiper; maybe because it’s Jay Bilas would rather be doing analysis and color commentary during the college basketball season. Even though he’s not holed up in an office watching games via satellite all season, Bilas still does a great job during the NBA Draft coverage.

So there you have it—the NFL Draft is overrated. There’s no allure to who gets picked first (only two players picked first overall since 1998 are actually bona fide superstars right now) and it’s way too long. Instead of spending four hours inside this Saturday afternoon, I’m going to be at the Cornell-Princeton lacrosse game at Schoellkopf. Maybe you should be too. [I ended sleeping in and not going to the game]