Don't trust your $12 to either of these teams in the future

Like many sports fans tonight, I cared little about who won this contest, but needed something to remain interested in the game. For most people, this is accomplished through gambling, and I chose this path. Risking my last $12 in my online gambling account, I went with the over (47.5), hoping that the game would turn into some sort of shootout.

The first half was promising, with the Bears putting up seven points in 16 seconds, the Colts quickly answering, and then the Bears answering right back. By halftime I was only 18 points away from a cool $24. As the Bears continued to show their ineptitude and the Colts continued not to score touchdowns in the red zone, I worried that they would never get to 48. That was before T-Rex Grossman (I don't think anyone's called him that yet, so I'm coining it) threw the first of his two completions to Indianapolis Colts players, resulting in seven points and then excellent field position for the opposition.

Poised to kick the over-reaching field goal, Peyton Manning took a sack, which was followed by a punt. Enter Captain Ineptitude again, who not only failed to move into field goal range but took a huge chunk of time off of the clock by throwing over the middle on every play. The Colts used their final drive to move well into field goal range, getting stopped on fourth down inside the 20. Rather than kick the game-icing field goal (Chicago could still miraculously have scored two touchdowns in a 1:40), the Colts ran it on fourth down, unleashing the wrath of millions of gamblers.

Of course, T-Rex couldn't be bothered to throw for a touchdown at this point, and the score remained 2 points away from me winning an overpriced 30-pack of beer. Blame is of course due to all parties: to the Bears, for scoring an incredibly horrendous three points in three quarters, and to the Colts, for trying to be gracious winners (also for their completely retarded kickoff strategy). I hope Peyton Manning throws up on Space Mountain and Rex Grossman gets syphilis from some bar skank tonight.