Scenes from Moot Court 2008

Respondent: Your honor, may it please the court. Jack McLawyerstein for the respondent, the American baseball fan.

Judge: You again? Wasn’t your client just here in the other day?

R: That was last year, your honor, when we brought a case against Barry Bonds for being a cheater and an asshole. Today, my client is under attack from the very sports media whose job it is to provide coverage and analysis for the sports-watching public. Today’s columnists and announcers have lost touch with the average fan, who is turning more and more to sports blogs and baseball analysis websites. The traditional sports media, unsatisfied with this trend, have lashed by attacking bloggers, so-called “stat nerds,” and even athletes who dare to speak to the fans without going through the media middleman.

J: What type of relief are you seeking?

R: We are seeking a court order that would require every “old-time” broadcaster or writer or anyone who likes to mock people who use other baseball statistics besides average, home runs, and RBIs to read the book Moneyball by Michael Lewis. Also, we would like a permanent injunction preventing anyone from saying “waiting for the home run,” or “clogging up the base paths.”

J: Counselor, you are asking for a prior restraint, and seeing as how this matter concerns neither national security nor obscenity, I am just going to pretend you didn’t say that last sentence.

R: Very well, your honor. I would like to turn the court’s attention to our main defendant, Mr. Joe Morgan. As has been thoroughly documented by firejoemorgan.com in their amicus brief, Mr. Morgan is the pinnacle of the old-time baseball fan who refuses to consider other baseball viewpoints other than his own. His view is that if you didn’t play the game, he doesn’t have to listen to you. Morgan bashes Moneyball constantly even though he has never read the book and refuses to read it because, in his opinion, a book can’t teach him anything new about baseball.

J: What is so wrong about Mr. Morgan being steadfast in his view on baseball? It seems like ESPN has hired him to do color commentary because of his knowledge and experience of the game.

R: That may be true, your honor, but the game of baseball is constantly evolving, and Mr. Morgan doesn’t see the need to change with the times. His disdain for the views of so-called baseball outsiders is very ignorant and ultimately hurts baseball fans because they are never exposed to new ideas while watching his broadcasts. We would next like to turn the court’s attention to the baseball media’s utter disdain for “non-traditional” statistics. Outside of a handful of writers, most baseball writers are disgusted by the non-Triple Crown batting statistics or new pitching metrics. New York Times sports columnist Murray Chass recently bragged that he didn’t know what VORP stood for nor did he feel the need to take the 30 seconds to look it up.

J: And this is a big deal why? Also what is VORP?

R: VORP stands for Value Over Replacement Player. It represents a player’s value against a standard benchmark, which is an average AAA minor leaguer, in terms of runs created. Park factors and the player’s position are taken into account, and the higher the number, the better the player. Given that Mr. Chass writes about sports for a little, it would seem like he should be required to read up on the latest sports developments. Would a company keep a programmer around who refused to learn a new programming language? I think not.

J: Five minutes, counselor.

R: Finally your honor, we would like to point out the venom that the traditional media has towards sports blogs. This would include columns comparing bloggers to homeless people, columns making fun of athletes who decide to start their own blog (as Dan Shaughnessy did of Curt Schilling’s new blog recently), or sports radio hosts who tell their listeners to issue a denial of service attack on thebiglead.com after the site made fun of said radio host. These people feel threatened by the emergence of sports blogs as viable alternatives to their own writing, and, rather than improving their own writing in the spirit of competitiveness, they instead choose to insult and denigrate other people who are better than they are. It is quite sad.

J: One minute. Wrap it up, please.

R: In closing, I would just like to say that sports broadcasters and writers should be embracing new baseball viewpoints and content distribution methods, not mocking them. This conduct sends a message to the baseball fan that listening or reading what these people have to say is a privilege, when in reality, it should be the other way around. Even if we don’t prevail today, I would hope that the Joe Morgans of the world would take a moment and reflect on whether their stubbornness and sense of superiority is really helping the game of baseball. Thank you, your honor.

As this is my last column of the year, I would like to thank my editor Sarah and everyone else on the Nota Bene staff for their hard work this year.